For the Missing Daughters

I am from Kerala and one of the things that I am proud of being from this southern most state of India is the Gender ratio it boasts of. Not the coconuts, the back water, or even the literacy rate but the gender ratio. I read today that the gender ratio has dipped to an all time low of 914 to 1000 (women to men) and some of the northern states having a much lesser ratio sometimes dipping to lower than 900.

Decades earlier when the number of children per family was in the range of 4 to 10, there   was a natural balance between male and female children and people did not have to selectively chose a 'sex'. Then with time and advent of the nuclear family system having less number of children, the sex of the child gained paramount importance. And the divinity of women is not extended further than the Idols we worship.

Traditionally in India male children have been preferred. The biggest blame has been borne by the dowry system and the cost of a wedding. One might think that with females working hard and often contributing for their dowry educated parents of today should be less worried. Sadly this not the case, It is not only about the money or education. You will find that some of the richest regions in India show low gender ratio. This is because in our culture male children are seen as the scions of the family and female children have been given the position of a 'temporary visitor'. A son takes a ‘family name’ ahead and is a beacon of hope for the future, for old age and for heaven, while a daughter remains the un/welcome guest.

Thus when all the planning is geared towards old age the obsession for a 'male heir' than a 'female child' becomes the obvious. Top it with the pressures of marriage and dowry, is it a wonder people practice such hideous crimes? Legal amendments alone are not going to tackle this problem which is so deeply edged into our culture. Unfortunately a solution seems as grave as the problem itself.

On the legal aspects I would welcome laws where the wedding expenses are given a fixed ceiling and also made mandatory for both parties to share the cost. It is a sensible thing to do, as no set of parents are made to spend too much and there would be more inheritance for female making them socially independent too. 

A change for this can come with some radical change in the Indian Family system where the son lives with parents and daughter's with the In Laws. Taking care of one's parents is a responsibility irrespective of sex.

Dear Father,

What is in a name?

You attached my name to yours at birth, I lived as your daughter, married still remained your daughter, became a mother still remained your daughter, my child is your grandchild even if I call him with a different name"

As long as we support such patriarchal society a solution for the gendercide is a distant call.

I write this post today so that some day if I have a daughter, she will know for sure that there was no disappointment for me that SHE came to me and not a HE.

 I love this video, but it saddens me that at this age too we need this.