The Spiritual Disconnect

A blogger I follow wrote on a spiritual journey and how it gives her a sens of protection, and after reading that, it begged me to face my own woes of the spiritual disconnect I had been feeling for a while now.I realized that I was feeling estranged from my spirituality when I caught myself in my head mocking a person's idea of prayers and how it calms him. 

I have never been the kind of girl, who religiously sticks to a routine of prayers or rituals.But as strange as it sounds, I always used to feel a connect with God, through my simple prayers ranging any time of the day and mostly through my thoughts and conversations, where I see and feel the presence of someone out there who is watching over me and listening to me.I used to feel that calm, a sense of belonging and protection which many people would confuse as self confidence.

Things change, growing up is never fun. Through the journey life takes you through paths you wish you could have skipped. But you still go along seeking guidance from this "inner guru". At crossroads when all rationality fails you turn to this for help, and go along with a 'Belief' that everything would go well.

At some point of my life, I felt doubt and eventually a sense of betrayal and finally this belief faded away.This lasted more than the heart-brake that caused it.And my trust just kept seeping away,and I never realized it till the day I mentioned before.And it was a bitter sweet experience, at one end I was feeling liberated and on the side I was appalled that a part of me was rotting in some way. 

If my belief had truly gone, why would it hurt me so much to know that? but if my belief was really 'true' why would it even shake? So many questions, uncertainties and fear.So much so that you prefer to stay ignorant of it.I prefer to think to myself that I am doing good this way, I am living my life well and am happy.I will take each day as it comes, and live life the way my values and emotions dictate.And I will be fine, don't really need any spirituality. 

If you believe that ignorance is better than knowing, its wrong!, the worst possible fear is the fear of not knowing. So my knowing and acknowledging that something is amiss here is very important to me. Reading that blog, somehow tells me its okay to fall off because you can always get back.

Because the fact is that I miss my conversations with god.The little prayers, 'the please give me this and i will give you that' and the 'thank you's' or 'why did you do that to me?' later on.

Dear god, why don't you help me here and take the first move, if you do I will never be estranged again I promise !

36 Hours at the Niagara Falls

  

The whole of America is travelling this weekend. Despite rising gas prices a memorial weekend is time for a get away!I did too, my husband and I went to visit the Niagara Falls.It was an 8 hour road trip from Baltimore to Niagara. We finally hit the Holiday Inn at around 2 am.Slept off and awoke next morning ready to see the worlds most spectacular waterfalls of the world.

I began walking through the park walk way, towards the fall, all the while watching the raging river flow as if in a hurry to be somewhere.As I was nearing the falls, I was thinking to myself "what is the big deal, its just a waterfall ! " Until I got to the base and saw the water crashing down in all its might.To me its beyond words to describe, I can only say it was breath taking and somehow refreshing.

At Niagara Falls, the United States is the poor relative and Canada is the king. Nature gave Canada the wide-angle view of the majestic waterfall that straddles the border between the two countries.Yet the story isn't so simple. Casinos, high-rise hotels and light and life is what I saw looking towards the Ontario side. Meanwhile, in Niagara Falls, New York, surprisingly I saw a natural landscape, almost pristine.

The party is in Canada. The real feel of the river, in all its awesome power, is more accessible in the United States. Hop back and forth to get the best of both Niagara's and see for yourself.

I spend 3 days in Niagara and each of it was fun filled. Apart from being totally mesmerized by the falls I got to do a lot of activities which really heightened my joy.Amongst the many things we did, I just cant stop raving about some of these.

On Day 1 we took the 'The Maid of the Mist' boat ride which took us as close as we get to the falls from both the American and the Canadian side.I could only imagine the strength of the falls as he splashes and mist  got me wet from so far.

Day 2, we took walked to the 'Cave of the wind', from here we almost feel we are right below the American falls. Go up the deck and land on the Hurricane deck literally, a minute in this deck and you can begin to feel your toes go numb because of the icy cold water hitting you down.

Later that evening, we went on the whirlpool jet ride that takes us in a whorl and splashy motorboat ride along the more calmer side of the river.This was a fun ride too, but a little too much splash for me!

Every night and all season long in Niagara,the nights are lit up in colors making the view of the falls even more mystical.On Sunday nights you also get to see Fireworks which was amazing even if it was raining and I saw it from under the bridge.

I have never been a fan of video cameras but in this trip of mine I am glad we had it.Because when I am back now in my cozy home at Towsons, able to watch the video, the water falls with the sound of the crash, I can almost feel the mist on my face again.

If you ask me, anyone who gets a chance should surely come visit this place once in a lifetime because no amount of words or images can truly capture the essence of Niagara the way when you see it and feel it.

Dying to go back, but next time with my mom!

How Much for a Ticket to USA

I must call my mother every single day of the week. And then we exchange a detailed account of our entire day adding loads of gossip and melodrama as side dips! Sometimes I force myself to call just so she could sleep well that night!

Our conversation today centered mainly over her Kerala trip. I couldn't wait to call as I was expecting to get a good scoop of gossip about nosy and absolutely bitchy aunties and specifically a pain of a 'sister in law'! (Ugh lets not even go there) Well I did get a couple to keep my gossip bones happy, but what really got me hooked on and zapped me was when my mom told me how my two young cousin sisters kept her awake all night talking about me! Telling her what they love about me.Asking her how I was as a baby, as a child like them. Questions about how naughty I was etc etc.

To me these two little girls are well just cousins I meet in India. Yes I do adore them but wouldn't keep anyone awake talking about them all night.We meet during vacations, do kid stuffs together and basically have fun. Now my vacations back then were mainly to visit my grand mom in a tiny village obscure from all development.And   these girls were a welcome entertainment package for me.

 From my moms account of their conversation, these little ones are awed by me! and as boastful as this sounds, they want to be just like me (in their own words).

Children as young as they are the best judge of everything, they don't want to please anyone, they don't know ego,jealousy,greed and all those vices yet.So their opinion should actually count the most because its pure and unadulterated.

I dint know what it is I did to make them like me so much. I don't remember doing anything special for either of them. Nothing that pushed me out of my comfort area.Never missed an afternoon siesta to play with them either.Nothing more than candy bars and Barbie dolls. The hugs and kisses which I love anyways!And those occasional long distance calls filled with promises for more dolls and candies, that do not last more than 5 minutes. Yet, today I hear my cousins Aishwarya and Meghna tell my mom." How could we wait till December to just see her?" 

Meghna says: "I have only Rupees Six Thousand, how much is it for a ticket to USA"

Mom Says: Around One Lakh Rupees

Meghna aghast and dejected says: When would I be able to save enough to see her then?

I know they will soon realize they don't want to be like me nor wont want to play with me because I am not cool enough. And will someday think of me as their aunt and not sister ! But for now for me it means a lot.Without giving anything back they seem to be wanting to give me so much ! In some small way it has made me a better person. Maybe taught me to give without thinking what I would get in return.

I don't really know why but I suddenly feel I cant wait till December either !

This is the two of them. Don't be fooled by these angelic faces, they truly can be devilish!

The Winner Stands Alone

 " You look down from the mountain you have just climbed, holding tight the prize you just won, but the sky seems to be just as far now as it was when you set to conquer it.Yet, somethings changed something is different.Where are all the bonds you saw as chains from earth that used to tie me down.
From this mountain you stand and look you have neither the sky nor the earth you once had, The Winner stands Alone".

Dreams and Desires keep making you surge ahead in life.Your entire focus is laid out as plans and goals.Everything becomes a step to getting that big thing in life.And in the process we leave out the very essence of living like emotions. It is the possibility of making dreams come true that makes life interesting but when we try to bound ourselves with the dreams that are tailor made for all,life becomes a suffering.

Ever wondered why you were much happier as a child? Children can teach you more than how much you can teach them. They teach you to be happy and smile at simple things in life, they teach you to find something interesting to do always and they teach you to desire and demand what you desire with no ego at all.

Just as important it is to dream it is important to understand that "The simple things are also the most extraordinary things, and only the wise can see them.- Paulo Coehlo".


Life is too short too make it only about souring in the skies, don't forget to live it with people you have down on earth. People who add meaning to your being.